a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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