I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
