she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
