I wish my penis had an off switch
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
