Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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