she woke up with a sticky ear
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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