Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
