I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
