im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this hospital has no fireball
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
