is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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