I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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