i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
