NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
