He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
