none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
