It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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