its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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