How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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