I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
