oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
