Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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