She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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