Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
