wrigley field is MILF paradise
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
