When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
