Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
