I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I still have a little drunk in my system
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
