He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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