i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
