Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
