she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
