I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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