This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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