if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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