never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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