I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
