trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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