At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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