she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
