It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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