Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
