Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When are your genitals available?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize