btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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