update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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