so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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