We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
