i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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