I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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