i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
