What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
