Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He shit in the fireplace
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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