wrigley field is MILF paradise
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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