Me. At least after what I've been through.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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