who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
