so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
