conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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