Taylor Swift is so right about you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
