Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
