Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
