I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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