he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize