Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
