she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize