how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
