hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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