Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
