god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
