Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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