It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize