I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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