He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
