five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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