is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
