Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
