the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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