I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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