I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
