so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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