oh god the rape fog is back!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
